I've been with her a few times before we were regular. I loved her hair underneath my fingers; I adored her sultry looks, big dark eyes always charcoaled. I was moulded to be with for the elevations of my body to match her downhill’s. Or at least so I thought at the time. Now? Now I don't know whether anyone is made for anyone else. At one point I used to believe in the one perfect soul mate, the one person you would be with all your life, the one who made your heart suddenly pirouette and fall gently, gently on one ankle, for the smashing finale because you finally realized that no one but this person could make your heart do all that. I felt that. Period. Yeah, well, not so any more. There's no such thing as the perfect person, only idiosyncrasies that cancel out other idiosyncrasies and that too for a brief, magical time that's bound to end.
She said one day, just after we crashed and I was desperately scrabbling beneath the bed for some pitch, 'what are we? A fling? We couldn't be a fling, it's not as meaningless as that. A one-night stand?
“No, it's been more than one night. I mean, is this going anywhere?'’
She then asked me whether I'd like to date her, whether she'd be mine 'girlfriend'. I cornered my eyes and smiled and nodded, and that was that. I realized that sometimes labels don't really mean anything. I mean, you could be someone's girlfriend and still have to vie for his attention all the time; you could see your boyfriend's name flashing on your cellphone and press the Silent button so you didn't have to talk to him. Why you need some names or license if you really care about that. This way or that way you lose.
The problem, I believe, the essential issue with humankind, the reason we are all always at some level or another pissed off, is Reality Sucks.
One night the alcohol pushed another limit from another side of me and I said “I miss you sometimes and Yes, I love you”. Now, there the Human blood rushes for blush or anger, it surely does depend on the person standing on the other side. I was on the other side and that made her angry.
I guess she still is?
Was it better if I didn’t say anything at all? Like the way it was? Or it needs some end?